I'm sorry my penis didn't work
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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