I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
