well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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