Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
