hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
