Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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