Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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