he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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