We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize