Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
