Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
