Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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