Can Purell be used as lube?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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