I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
