You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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