what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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