my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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