it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
3 2 1 whiskey
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
