I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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