my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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