It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
