you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
