I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
