Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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