i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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