my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
