I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
