If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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