my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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