i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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