Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
