I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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