mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
this is an emotional support booty call
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize