What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it was like eating out sand paper
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
