that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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