Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
