She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize