We're facebook friends in real life
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
