Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
