Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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