we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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