He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
