She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize