that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
