At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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