you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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