I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
