in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
