im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
