You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
