He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
