I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
