listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
