She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
