As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
