I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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