its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
