So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
