God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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