The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
