If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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