just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
