seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize