What a fucking waste of an outfit
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
