I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
