He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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