It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
