is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
