Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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