Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
