yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
