dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
