take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
