god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
