if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
