I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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