Your face is a jimmy john
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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