On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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