When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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