Screwed.edu
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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