You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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