why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
