Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
