i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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