I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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