There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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