It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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