Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
